so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
