dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
