I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
