One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
