If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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