and you said cock pushups were impossible
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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