i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
