sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
