And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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