I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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