I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
