Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
