New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
