You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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