You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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