Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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