I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
