just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
