Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
