I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
