Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
