my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
