He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize