If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I party with great urgency now.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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