M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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