ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
