I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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