More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I think my vagina is haunted
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you didnt know i had herpes?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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