I'm laying in your front yard are you home
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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