Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Randomize
