i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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