He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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