She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
