my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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