So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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