I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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