I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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