That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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