Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We have started to decorate penises.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
