bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
