i just wanna soil my oats bro
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
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