Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
