I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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