I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
