Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
