the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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