I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
