there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
