Swine flu. Run for my life!
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
