I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
