Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
