How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
