I hope mine doesn't look like that
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
