I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
