do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
