I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Randomize
