Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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