when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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