Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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