just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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