you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She told me I should be a condom model.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
