At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
