Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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