hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
