so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
