Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
