a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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