too bad you live with your parents still
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
