One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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