Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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