Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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