I think I died a long time ago.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
