Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
