now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
