Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
