After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
