dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
