Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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