U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
