We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
