just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
