home. puking in laundry basket.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
