How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just want nice things and good sex
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
