i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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