I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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