i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize