It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
