Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
