I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
third nipple confirmed
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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