you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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