I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
