the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
