Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
