By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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