Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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