i wish my penis had a tongue
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
