I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It's just like the Real World with babies
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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