And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
