my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
