we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
