I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
