Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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