dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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