I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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