I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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