At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
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