what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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