Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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