I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
