Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
