OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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