I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
