No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
